Not feeling 'good enough' is definitely not just you! It's something so many of us struggle with! I wonder if a lot of that has to do with our mindset here in America that A) one's job is so closely tied to one's value and worth to society, and B) our constant pressure to always improve. In the US, we are encouraged NOT to be content with an 'ordinary life' while in much of the world, and ordinary life is the end goal.
Thanks for sharing, Beth. As I read this, it made me think that the economy is only "good enough" if it is growing at 2% or more per year. That means that holding steady is not "good enough", that increasing consumption is always needed instead of rest, root, grow, expand kind of cycles that we see in nature. I think we have transposed that economic growth model on to people, that we are supposed to always be making progress toward something, as you said. One thing I wonder about, because I like to focus on solutions (often to the exclusion of feelings), is how do we unwind that feeling, that striving, at individual, family, and societal levels.
I am also in healthcare, but nothing like the front lines of your work. Still, it took me 10 years to realize that I am not built for standard full-time treating (as an OT). I worked in a rehab hospital and then in schools and it was pretty much the same in terms of the speed required, the lack of flexibility of scheduling (so many times j wished I could spend another 30-60 minutes with a child, but no), and my general sensory overwhelm. For a long time I thought it was because I was still learning. Then, finally, I came to understand that no matter how “good” I got at the job- it was always going to feel completely overwhelming to me. I liked a lot about it. If I could do it 10-15 hours a week, I’d still be in one of those settings. But I can’t do it 6-7 hours a day, every day. I’m in a tangentially related field now for my day job (as I develop an OT project related to art-based groups for kids and families in shelters). I’m working from home. I can’t tell yet if I will get the feeling of never being good enough- I still get to use the excuse of being new. I will say that working from home has been a slippery slope in terms of boundaries- work creeps into every little crack. When I am intentional about my time off (I am doubling down on Shabbat and yesterday observed Yom Kippur), I remember that it’s fine if I am never good enough at work...because there’s actually more to me than that.
Ooh, that's an interesting side of it that I hadn't really considered, that one may have a reasonable standard of what good enough care would be for a patient or client yiy are working with, but that there areso many time or financial or other pressures that keep you from being able to meet your standard for yourself.
I am just now starting to recognize the impact of the constant dings and fluorescent lights and alarms that activate the sympathetic nervous system so much. I think the culture in medicine is that part of toughness is that you are unphaded by these things.
I'll be interested to see if you are able to maintain the gentleness with yourself as you gain experience and don't have the "excuse" of newness. Do you notice any difference in the corporate culture about self-compassion away from the hospital or school?
I spent a lot of time learning about and then practicing sensory awareness and strategies for/when relating to my clients. When I finally started paying more attention to my own sensory system, I realized that a lot about the environment and structure of the work day was causing me pain (stress, daily headaches, exhaustion, lack of patience for my own children after a full work day). It is mind boggling how divorced our schools and medical settings are from what we know (evidence!) to be true about the conditions for optimal learning and healing. As far as corporate culture goes, same beast, different costume. But for now I am working from home, where I can control a lot more about my environment. I used to try find places to hide, wear earplugs, etc when I got 2 min alone in my previous work settings. I don’t have to do that now. I have also taken pride in “how much I can handle,” - I had my first daughter while in grad school and looking back, it was a miserable, difficult experience. I did it on purpose and have no regrets. I was already 32. But I will always have a wound in that spot of the first year of her life. Due to financial constraints and my “just keep going” mentality, I muscled through finals while literally nursing a 2 week old, then did my fieldwork with a 2 month old at home. It’s not something I’d recommend to anyone with any self compassion
Not feeling 'good enough' is definitely not just you! It's something so many of us struggle with! I wonder if a lot of that has to do with our mindset here in America that A) one's job is so closely tied to one's value and worth to society, and B) our constant pressure to always improve. In the US, we are encouraged NOT to be content with an 'ordinary life' while in much of the world, and ordinary life is the end goal.
Thanks for sharing, Beth. As I read this, it made me think that the economy is only "good enough" if it is growing at 2% or more per year. That means that holding steady is not "good enough", that increasing consumption is always needed instead of rest, root, grow, expand kind of cycles that we see in nature. I think we have transposed that economic growth model on to people, that we are supposed to always be making progress toward something, as you said. One thing I wonder about, because I like to focus on solutions (often to the exclusion of feelings), is how do we unwind that feeling, that striving, at individual, family, and societal levels.
Oh, my day job is in medical communications. The OT project is a small thing I am trying to build on the side.
I am also in healthcare, but nothing like the front lines of your work. Still, it took me 10 years to realize that I am not built for standard full-time treating (as an OT). I worked in a rehab hospital and then in schools and it was pretty much the same in terms of the speed required, the lack of flexibility of scheduling (so many times j wished I could spend another 30-60 minutes with a child, but no), and my general sensory overwhelm. For a long time I thought it was because I was still learning. Then, finally, I came to understand that no matter how “good” I got at the job- it was always going to feel completely overwhelming to me. I liked a lot about it. If I could do it 10-15 hours a week, I’d still be in one of those settings. But I can’t do it 6-7 hours a day, every day. I’m in a tangentially related field now for my day job (as I develop an OT project related to art-based groups for kids and families in shelters). I’m working from home. I can’t tell yet if I will get the feeling of never being good enough- I still get to use the excuse of being new. I will say that working from home has been a slippery slope in terms of boundaries- work creeps into every little crack. When I am intentional about my time off (I am doubling down on Shabbat and yesterday observed Yom Kippur), I remember that it’s fine if I am never good enough at work...because there’s actually more to me than that.
Ooh, that's an interesting side of it that I hadn't really considered, that one may have a reasonable standard of what good enough care would be for a patient or client yiy are working with, but that there areso many time or financial or other pressures that keep you from being able to meet your standard for yourself.
I am just now starting to recognize the impact of the constant dings and fluorescent lights and alarms that activate the sympathetic nervous system so much. I think the culture in medicine is that part of toughness is that you are unphaded by these things.
I'll be interested to see if you are able to maintain the gentleness with yourself as you gain experience and don't have the "excuse" of newness. Do you notice any difference in the corporate culture about self-compassion away from the hospital or school?
I spent a lot of time learning about and then practicing sensory awareness and strategies for/when relating to my clients. When I finally started paying more attention to my own sensory system, I realized that a lot about the environment and structure of the work day was causing me pain (stress, daily headaches, exhaustion, lack of patience for my own children after a full work day). It is mind boggling how divorced our schools and medical settings are from what we know (evidence!) to be true about the conditions for optimal learning and healing. As far as corporate culture goes, same beast, different costume. But for now I am working from home, where I can control a lot more about my environment. I used to try find places to hide, wear earplugs, etc when I got 2 min alone in my previous work settings. I don’t have to do that now. I have also taken pride in “how much I can handle,” - I had my first daughter while in grad school and looking back, it was a miserable, difficult experience. I did it on purpose and have no regrets. I was already 32. But I will always have a wound in that spot of the first year of her life. Due to financial constraints and my “just keep going” mentality, I muscled through finals while literally nursing a 2 week old, then did my fieldwork with a 2 month old at home. It’s not something I’d recommend to anyone with any self compassion