Thanks for this share, Amy! I wasn’t able to grow with my first husband. We married young, both had a lot of unhealed family of origin trauma, got stuck in mutually triggering patterns that I was supposed to fix without much give from him. Ultimately, I grew faster than he did, and eventually, couldn’t bridge the gap anymore, as much as I deeply wanted to for MOST of our 11 year relationship. I feel a lot more confident that my current partner and I can grow together. We both know ourselves pretty well. We’re both committed to being the best versions of ourselves for our individual and collective happiness. That said, I know life takes unexpected twists and turns and sometimes separation or divorce is the best way forward for one or both folks in the relationship. I would LOVE to hear more stories of folks growing together in healthy ways because my parents didn’t model this for me.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience, Ellen. It sounds like you learned a lot about yourself and have landed in a good spot. And I agree, there are so many really difficult things that can happen in life that if your responses aren't well-matched, it can be hard for a couple to survive no matter how much love is there.
I too have been feeling the discourse gap re: couples experiencing midlife transformation *together.* I also wish there was more scientific and reflective literature around dads' transformation into fathers (patrescence?). Men's brains get squishy when they have kids too! (I mean that in a good way - neuroplasticity!) I think it's our culture's usual obsession with *the individual,* yet again. We pretend we change in a vacuum and that's the story we tell and sell. Here's to explorations and practices re: how we change together <3
and go metallica, I had no idea they were indicating their tour this way!
Thanks for sharing that I'm not alone on this midlife boat. Iknow it sounds a little ridiculous, but the zeitgeist sometimes feels like if your partner cannot meet all of your changing needs immediately, it's time to strike out on your own. I agree patrescence should be part of the story. I wonder how much of them not noting the change is just not having language for it.
Thanks for this share, Amy! I wasn’t able to grow with my first husband. We married young, both had a lot of unhealed family of origin trauma, got stuck in mutually triggering patterns that I was supposed to fix without much give from him. Ultimately, I grew faster than he did, and eventually, couldn’t bridge the gap anymore, as much as I deeply wanted to for MOST of our 11 year relationship. I feel a lot more confident that my current partner and I can grow together. We both know ourselves pretty well. We’re both committed to being the best versions of ourselves for our individual and collective happiness. That said, I know life takes unexpected twists and turns and sometimes separation or divorce is the best way forward for one or both folks in the relationship. I would LOVE to hear more stories of folks growing together in healthy ways because my parents didn’t model this for me.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience, Ellen. It sounds like you learned a lot about yourself and have landed in a good spot. And I agree, there are so many really difficult things that can happen in life that if your responses aren't well-matched, it can be hard for a couple to survive no matter how much love is there.
I loved reading your perspective on this! And thank you for mentioning my book, Midlife Emergence, as well as linking to my Substack here.
Thank you!
Fascinating
Thank you!
You're welcome always God bless you and your family
This is such a beautiful and powerful reflection, Amy! Thank you for bringing us along amidst your transformation.
Thanks Karla!
Real honesty and the motto, “we will help each other on a path toward happiness” got me and mine through our divorce and we are still best friends.
Thanks for sharing your experience Jeanne. I think it takes a lot of maturity to be able to keep that perspective while you're hurting!
I too have been feeling the discourse gap re: couples experiencing midlife transformation *together.* I also wish there was more scientific and reflective literature around dads' transformation into fathers (patrescence?). Men's brains get squishy when they have kids too! (I mean that in a good way - neuroplasticity!) I think it's our culture's usual obsession with *the individual,* yet again. We pretend we change in a vacuum and that's the story we tell and sell. Here's to explorations and practices re: how we change together <3
and go metallica, I had no idea they were indicating their tour this way!
Thanks for sharing that I'm not alone on this midlife boat. Iknow it sounds a little ridiculous, but the zeitgeist sometimes feels like if your partner cannot meet all of your changing needs immediately, it's time to strike out on your own. I agree patrescence should be part of the story. I wonder how much of them not noting the change is just not having language for it.
Amazing piece Amy! This is such a fresh perspective and really beautiful to receive. I believe in you and Joe. <3
Thanks John! I bet you didn't expect I was coming at ya with some Metallica this week :)