Thanks for sharing your experience. I read your words and will think on what you have shared. As you said, "Simply listening with an open heart without trying to plan what one will say next can be incredibly healing."
One will be empty, signifiying the zero members of my family, friends and co-workers who died or suffered injury from COVID.
The other will be full, with 7 black rocks to signify those who died suddenly after their COVID vax, and 13 white rocks for those who became permanently crippled and will never work again after their vax.
I take your ritual and turn it against your own head.
Through a conversation I just had yesterday with a coworker, this exact topic was indirectly brought up. I mentioned how I enjoy when my phone reminds me of photo memories from previous years and shuffles them into a nice little slide show. I mentioned how much my kids have grown and how much my face has changed in the past 3 years. And how, for most of it, I don't actually remember the moments happening. I was physically there but not present. My co-worker lovingly responded, "it was because of the trauma. What we went through was traumatic and our trauma response and coping arent allowing us to remember what we went through. It's protecting us." I instantly felt a culmination of support, understanding, anger, annoyance, and sadness when she said this. She was right. It was the first time I really thought about it as trauma. It's amazing how day after day I enter the hospital doors, sit at my desk and become frustrated with my own exhaustion, lack of focus and irritability. It never used to be this way and not much has changed with my role responsibilities since before COVID. We are people, not just employees. The impact that COVID had on all of us has been shuffled to the side or buried because we are forced to just move on. We should be relieved right? We should be thankful the worst is behind us, right? Yeah, well, I'm clearly not over it.
Yeah, I think the culture in healthcare is that we are supposed to be unaffected by all of the human condition that we find at our door steps, that is the image we have cultivated for ourselves, the expectation from patients, our supervisors, ourselves.I feel like all I really want is for someone in some small way to show up and say, "I see you and see you've been through some stuff" and it just keeps not happening.
I find it very hard to use the word trauma to describe my own life experiences (though, obviously that's what it was) You sort of forget or suppress all of these stories you carry with you and minimize how much they've impacted you, but there's a big price for that disconnect.
You mention ER were makeshift pressure release valves. This did not work well anywhere. It seems like there should be a lot more talk and action about what went well, what went wrong and what we are going to different next time.
I did not know that someone threatened you and you family. That is not acceptable. There should be strong laws that protect healthcare workers from that type of abuse.
I am not sure about your recommendation for a right of passage, but I don't have a better solution. How do you get started with your recommendation?
I view the rite of passage as a way to sort of mark the completion of this time and the emotional impact.
I think that's totally separate from the after action assessment that needs to happen within individual institutions, local, state, and federal government, international health organizations. I think other sectors obviously need to conduct this analysis too, but health care is the one I know best. I think in general it seems like everyone is kind of like, "well that sucked, let's pretend it never happened" rather than trying to learn the lessons the experience taught us, but that's part of the reason I wanted to write this piece is because I really feel it's a big problem both emotionally and practically to pretend it never happened.
To be clear, the threats came from a very stupid non COVID related situation that just happened to come at a time that I didn't have much in reserves to deal with extra stress. Wisconsin has now passed laws regarding this, but I'm not sure how much the solution is legal versus practical or cultural. Meaning, the expectation when you seek healthcare should be that I don't have to put up with your crap and if you are threatening or violent I leave and you are not allowed to come back. And also we just generally need to get our bleep together and learn how to manage our anger without shooting up hospitals or trying to open airplane doors mid-flight.
Regarding how to implement this idea, it's something that could be small scale and just hosted at my house or large scale and hosted for my whole organization or the Twin Cities area, but I proposed hosting a grief ritual for health care workers in my organization (facilitated by experts not me) and got zero traction.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I read your words and will think on what you have shared. As you said, "Simply listening with an open heart without trying to plan what one will say next can be incredibly healing."
Thank you for taking the time Lindsay. I love to talk, so turning off that planning part of the brain is a real challenge for me.
I'll bring two glasses.
One will be empty, signifiying the zero members of my family, friends and co-workers who died or suffered injury from COVID.
The other will be full, with 7 black rocks to signify those who died suddenly after their COVID vax, and 13 white rocks for those who became permanently crippled and will never work again after their vax.
I take your ritual and turn it against your own head.
Through a conversation I just had yesterday with a coworker, this exact topic was indirectly brought up. I mentioned how I enjoy when my phone reminds me of photo memories from previous years and shuffles them into a nice little slide show. I mentioned how much my kids have grown and how much my face has changed in the past 3 years. And how, for most of it, I don't actually remember the moments happening. I was physically there but not present. My co-worker lovingly responded, "it was because of the trauma. What we went through was traumatic and our trauma response and coping arent allowing us to remember what we went through. It's protecting us." I instantly felt a culmination of support, understanding, anger, annoyance, and sadness when she said this. She was right. It was the first time I really thought about it as trauma. It's amazing how day after day I enter the hospital doors, sit at my desk and become frustrated with my own exhaustion, lack of focus and irritability. It never used to be this way and not much has changed with my role responsibilities since before COVID. We are people, not just employees. The impact that COVID had on all of us has been shuffled to the side or buried because we are forced to just move on. We should be relieved right? We should be thankful the worst is behind us, right? Yeah, well, I'm clearly not over it.
Yeah, I think the culture in healthcare is that we are supposed to be unaffected by all of the human condition that we find at our door steps, that is the image we have cultivated for ourselves, the expectation from patients, our supervisors, ourselves.I feel like all I really want is for someone in some small way to show up and say, "I see you and see you've been through some stuff" and it just keeps not happening.
I find it very hard to use the word trauma to describe my own life experiences (though, obviously that's what it was) You sort of forget or suppress all of these stories you carry with you and minimize how much they've impacted you, but there's a big price for that disconnect.
You mention ER were makeshift pressure release valves. This did not work well anywhere. It seems like there should be a lot more talk and action about what went well, what went wrong and what we are going to different next time.
I did not know that someone threatened you and you family. That is not acceptable. There should be strong laws that protect healthcare workers from that type of abuse.
I am not sure about your recommendation for a right of passage, but I don't have a better solution. How do you get started with your recommendation?
I view the rite of passage as a way to sort of mark the completion of this time and the emotional impact.
I think that's totally separate from the after action assessment that needs to happen within individual institutions, local, state, and federal government, international health organizations. I think other sectors obviously need to conduct this analysis too, but health care is the one I know best. I think in general it seems like everyone is kind of like, "well that sucked, let's pretend it never happened" rather than trying to learn the lessons the experience taught us, but that's part of the reason I wanted to write this piece is because I really feel it's a big problem both emotionally and practically to pretend it never happened.
To be clear, the threats came from a very stupid non COVID related situation that just happened to come at a time that I didn't have much in reserves to deal with extra stress. Wisconsin has now passed laws regarding this, but I'm not sure how much the solution is legal versus practical or cultural. Meaning, the expectation when you seek healthcare should be that I don't have to put up with your crap and if you are threatening or violent I leave and you are not allowed to come back. And also we just generally need to get our bleep together and learn how to manage our anger without shooting up hospitals or trying to open airplane doors mid-flight.
Regarding how to implement this idea, it's something that could be small scale and just hosted at my house or large scale and hosted for my whole organization or the Twin Cities area, but I proposed hosting a grief ritual for health care workers in my organization (facilitated by experts not me) and got zero traction.
Cool, I'll work my way through it. I just started reading, but I'm at work and find my focus flagging.