Great article! It’s astonishing how isolating being a postpartum mother can be. I can only imagine a mother going back to work two weeks later, a milky hormonal mess. What a way to diminish the sacredness of childbirth.
When my mom grew up, she was surrounded by the familial village: lots of aunts and cousins. In the 60s she emigrated to Canada, so there was a division from that support when it was her time to give birth. As for myself, I was even more cut off from that support because of the increasing distance of my family. There was one acquaintance in my life who bullied her way into coming over shortly after I had given birth to my first child. She made me take a nap while she cleaned my home, and left a healthy snack for me to enjoy after she had left. Needless to say, we became friends! Now I try to be that kind of support person for postpartum moms. I bring them a meal and some kind of tea blend to aid with breastfeeding and recovery. We all need to do more for the postpartum women in our lives.
Thank you, as I get older I am astonished my how many ways we don't know how to show up until we've experienced it. I'm guessing your pushy friend was a mother and knew how important that rest, connection, and tending is.
I don't have kids of my own but I do know from my close relatives and friends of the struggles that you mention. My best friends are from New Delhi, and they have indeed such a different way of supporting mothers after birth. Food of course is one, and the 42 days, like you mentioned. Going further, it's also mandatory for both mother and newborn to receive a special full body massage daily until the 42 days are completed. I am fascinated by this. I've been studying Ayurveda for a decade and I'm so glad to see that in recent years it's becoming more known in the west than ever. I really believe we need these other ancient medicines to combine with our Western education to have the best of both worlds. In short: basics matter. ❤️ Great share, Amy! Loved it.
My doula came to my house and gave me a massage a couple weeks after birth. It was revolutionary! Something I never knew to ask for but so needed. Can't imagine how good it would feel to know that was happening everyday
Indeed! And for newborns too. I love that they do that. Being born is a huge stress on the body, so many changes. It's the most sensible thing to massage them too. Since I learned about that, I want everyone to have it!!
May it be so! I love that about teenage boys wanting to be mothers. It’s reminding me also of some thing a queer friend of mine told me recently. He told me of an Apache eldress Who challenged his queer community, saying, you are meant to be helping the mothers and aunties directly in their work. He told me of ‘family first’ campaigns and to discredit the ethics of the queer community, which is a tragedy because potentially so much help for mothering might come from there. Not that a boy must be queer to admire motherhood of course, but I thought I would share this into this discussion.
And about owing, funny a few of us were talking about gifts just last night, and the difference between an unconditional and conditional gift.
it seems to me that if there is a sense that this child is the responsibility of everyone, not just the parents, then that unconditional gifting may come forth.
I just read something really interesting from Perdita Finn about this. She was talking about how in matriarchal societies monogamy wasn't as much of a "big deal". Because of this, no one really knew with certainty who the father was, so the child became the child of the village. That was a part of the loss of the village that I had never considered.
Love this! In healthcare there is so much education and awareness devoted these days to postpartum depression but little teaching offered for what can best help women through the naturally intense transitional period of having a new baby. I agree that these ideas you offer can make a huge difference. I was "lost" after having my first child, with no close friends who had children, and joined a mother's group which honestly saved me in so many ways. Our society needs a shift in culture to encourage mothers to embrace motherhood and support each other. As women we can do this, it starts with us! Great article, Amy!
Agree Emily, in healthcare there is always the focus on the body or mind as a problem to be fixed rather than learning sort of the proper care and maintenance and kindness toward our bodies. I agree that it starts with us asking for or demanding what we need, but it can't be us doing it in isolation.
Beautiful and helpful post here, Amy! I believe Nature is the most accessible of all of these things listed though I completely agree they are all necessary! But with Nature being the universal ground from which all of our fertility comes from, I think it is especially helpful because there is less of a barrier than there is to quality community, food, etc. This axis of nature and fertility is the foundation of my work here. I also love that you mentioned the season of the birth making a difference for you--I’ve talked with many multiparas and the general consensus is Spring/early Summer is the best time to have a baby ❤️
Thank you! I totally agree that time in nature is most accessible. I'm sure in some locations it's tougher, but for us it's right there and even for those in more urban spaces sometimes that dandelion in the crack in the sidewalk is just the resilience reminder we need.
I think time in nature has fewer emotional barriers too since we don't have to overcome our shame and self-worth issues to get out there. It's especially good when you need to be managing multiple kids in postpartum, though time alone or as a dyad is probably the most nourishing in early postpartum.
Stayed tuned, if I get up the nerve and it's not accepted for publication where I submitted it, I will have a poem about returning our blood to the earth upcoming.
I am not a woman or a parent, so I am a bit on the side of this, but I just wanted to say I appreciate this article, and these are really important points for everyone, moving toward a more life-nourishing society. I’m staying in a community with a young couple who just had a daughter. I am seeing some of their challenges firsthand, and also how they are receiving more support than many. People to hold the baby while they do other things, extended visits from the babies grandparents. A general mood of support and appreciation. May we have more and more of this, moving toward holding mothers and children in the centre of our concentric circles. Thank you for the thoughtful and eloquent article.
Thank you! Mothering is something we can all do for each other, so I appreciateyour involvementin the discussion. Perdita Finn says that you will know our culture is healthy when some teenage boys aspire to be mothers. The other thing that comes to mind with your share is an individual barrier to meeting these needs is that willingness to receive help or to ask for help and not have that transactional feeling that you "owe" that person later. I'm hoping to create a little web of support for the new moms around me. We'll see if it takes off.
Great article! It’s astonishing how isolating being a postpartum mother can be. I can only imagine a mother going back to work two weeks later, a milky hormonal mess. What a way to diminish the sacredness of childbirth.
When my mom grew up, she was surrounded by the familial village: lots of aunts and cousins. In the 60s she emigrated to Canada, so there was a division from that support when it was her time to give birth. As for myself, I was even more cut off from that support because of the increasing distance of my family. There was one acquaintance in my life who bullied her way into coming over shortly after I had given birth to my first child. She made me take a nap while she cleaned my home, and left a healthy snack for me to enjoy after she had left. Needless to say, we became friends! Now I try to be that kind of support person for postpartum moms. I bring them a meal and some kind of tea blend to aid with breastfeeding and recovery. We all need to do more for the postpartum women in our lives.
Thank you, as I get older I am astonished my how many ways we don't know how to show up until we've experienced it. I'm guessing your pushy friend was a mother and knew how important that rest, connection, and tending is.
Not even! She just grew up in a completely different culture where postpartum were taken care of by everyone.
I don't have kids of my own but I do know from my close relatives and friends of the struggles that you mention. My best friends are from New Delhi, and they have indeed such a different way of supporting mothers after birth. Food of course is one, and the 42 days, like you mentioned. Going further, it's also mandatory for both mother and newborn to receive a special full body massage daily until the 42 days are completed. I am fascinated by this. I've been studying Ayurveda for a decade and I'm so glad to see that in recent years it's becoming more known in the west than ever. I really believe we need these other ancient medicines to combine with our Western education to have the best of both worlds. In short: basics matter. ❤️ Great share, Amy! Loved it.
My doula came to my house and gave me a massage a couple weeks after birth. It was revolutionary! Something I never knew to ask for but so needed. Can't imagine how good it would feel to know that was happening everyday
Indeed! And for newborns too. I love that they do that. Being born is a huge stress on the body, so many changes. It's the most sensible thing to massage them too. Since I learned about that, I want everyone to have it!!
Massaging babies is so sweet and easy too!
May it be so! I love that about teenage boys wanting to be mothers. It’s reminding me also of some thing a queer friend of mine told me recently. He told me of an Apache eldress Who challenged his queer community, saying, you are meant to be helping the mothers and aunties directly in their work. He told me of ‘family first’ campaigns and to discredit the ethics of the queer community, which is a tragedy because potentially so much help for mothering might come from there. Not that a boy must be queer to admire motherhood of course, but I thought I would share this into this discussion.
And about owing, funny a few of us were talking about gifts just last night, and the difference between an unconditional and conditional gift.
it seems to me that if there is a sense that this child is the responsibility of everyone, not just the parents, then that unconditional gifting may come forth.
I just read something really interesting from Perdita Finn about this. She was talking about how in matriarchal societies monogamy wasn't as much of a "big deal". Because of this, no one really knew with certainty who the father was, so the child became the child of the village. That was a part of the loss of the village that I had never considered.
That makes sense.
Love this! In healthcare there is so much education and awareness devoted these days to postpartum depression but little teaching offered for what can best help women through the naturally intense transitional period of having a new baby. I agree that these ideas you offer can make a huge difference. I was "lost" after having my first child, with no close friends who had children, and joined a mother's group which honestly saved me in so many ways. Our society needs a shift in culture to encourage mothers to embrace motherhood and support each other. As women we can do this, it starts with us! Great article, Amy!
Agree Emily, in healthcare there is always the focus on the body or mind as a problem to be fixed rather than learning sort of the proper care and maintenance and kindness toward our bodies. I agree that it starts with us asking for or demanding what we need, but it can't be us doing it in isolation.
Beautiful and helpful post here, Amy! I believe Nature is the most accessible of all of these things listed though I completely agree they are all necessary! But with Nature being the universal ground from which all of our fertility comes from, I think it is especially helpful because there is less of a barrier than there is to quality community, food, etc. This axis of nature and fertility is the foundation of my work here. I also love that you mentioned the season of the birth making a difference for you--I’ve talked with many multiparas and the general consensus is Spring/early Summer is the best time to have a baby ❤️
Thank you! I totally agree that time in nature is most accessible. I'm sure in some locations it's tougher, but for us it's right there and even for those in more urban spaces sometimes that dandelion in the crack in the sidewalk is just the resilience reminder we need.
I think time in nature has fewer emotional barriers too since we don't have to overcome our shame and self-worth issues to get out there. It's especially good when you need to be managing multiple kids in postpartum, though time alone or as a dyad is probably the most nourishing in early postpartum.
Stayed tuned, if I get up the nerve and it's not accepted for publication where I submitted it, I will have a poem about returning our blood to the earth upcoming.
I am not a woman or a parent, so I am a bit on the side of this, but I just wanted to say I appreciate this article, and these are really important points for everyone, moving toward a more life-nourishing society. I’m staying in a community with a young couple who just had a daughter. I am seeing some of their challenges firsthand, and also how they are receiving more support than many. People to hold the baby while they do other things, extended visits from the babies grandparents. A general mood of support and appreciation. May we have more and more of this, moving toward holding mothers and children in the centre of our concentric circles. Thank you for the thoughtful and eloquent article.
Thank you! Mothering is something we can all do for each other, so I appreciateyour involvementin the discussion. Perdita Finn says that you will know our culture is healthy when some teenage boys aspire to be mothers. The other thing that comes to mind with your share is an individual barrier to meeting these needs is that willingness to receive help or to ask for help and not have that transactional feeling that you "owe" that person later. I'm hoping to create a little web of support for the new moms around me. We'll see if it takes off.