I look forward to reading Brooks' book—thank you for the recommendation, Amy, and for the keen and powerful reflections!
I feel like I have one or two very close friends that I know on a deep level, and vice versa. We can anticipate each other's needs. (One memorable example: My friend Chelsea and I were dining on a patio this weekend, and she asked for a blanket for me and knew I wanted to order the hummus before I did. And at an event that I knew might be a lot for her more introverted self, I made sure to carve out one-on-one time away from the crowd.)
Helping others feel seen and supported as their true selves is my favorite love language!
Hi Karla, I think you will enjoy it. I just got a used copy of it, so if you care to wait, I can mail it to you. Helping each other meet our needs is beautiful. Brooks described "knowing" someone as seeing the radiance or someone's soul in a way that's often to articulate.
So kind of you, Amy! That would be awesome if you don't mind sharing once you're done. Ooh, I love that kind of knowing. It reminds me a bit of what Brene and Esther discussed in a recent podcast! Just in case you're interested in tuning in: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/new-ai-artificial-intimacy/ Thanks again for this thoughtful and beautiful post!
Such rich reflection here. There is something so profound about being seen and known by others. And yet, we don't want to rely on that external blessing either. It is a delicate dance. A friend gifted me Brooks' book, but it's still in a pile on my nightstand, so I'll have to get to that one sooner rather than later.
Thanks Christine. I wonder which comes first, does our own self-regard open us up to being seen by others or does being understood by someone dear allow us to branch out further, more thoroughly exploring our interior, (sort of like the toddler at the playground that ventures farther and farther from parent with the safety of being able to check in)
Thanks for sharing your perspective, Jim. I believe there is a soul. I think Bill Plotkin's way of describing it is helpful. He describes it as our "unique ecological niche" in other words that light within in us that has a unique role to play in the world. That is in contrast to how he describes spirit, which is more like that universal life force within all beings.
I know there are some spiritual traditions that believe suffering is optional. Our perspective can certainly change the intensity of our suffering, but I think there are some life events like the loss of a loved one or intense illness where suffering is typically part of the experience even if you are very mindful.
Regarding religion, I think we all agree that more people approaching the world from a place of kindness is beneficial. I also think that many religious practices can be hypocritical and move us farther from acceptance and kindness. However, as I've gotten older I've been more able to hold the contradictions of the hypocrisy of Christians with this totally wild, radical, revolutionary message of what Jesus was actually teaching. For me, believing in a creator force beyond myself helps me let go of the idea that I need to control everything. My main spiritual belief is animism, that all beings stones, waters winds, plants, animals, really everything in the world holds divine spirit within it. I choose to use Christianity as one tool to engage with that because it is a tool my ancestors used, so I feel more connected to them. I heard Martin Shaw speak about how polytheist religions often accommodated monotheistic ones because it was easy to add one more God to the pantheon, but the reverse wasn't true. Anyway, that was probably a lot more than you bargained. I spent most of my life agnostic, believing simply in treating people and creation well, but stumbled my way back to something more organized over the past couple years and have found it helpful, personally, though I acknowledge it's not for everyone.
Thank you for responding. How we see the world appears to be tethered to our most fundamental belief systems. For you, something closer to Spinoza, for me closer to Hume. I wish you peace.
This is so beautiful, Amy! I'm honored to be included here. So many thoughts are swirling in my mind. I was especially touched by this line: "Ultimately, we need to face ourselves and our suffering enough to at least be able to sit with all of our parts without distraction, to stay in suffering without running, then we can listen without worrying how we look, accept ourselves and others as more than one thing." Sit with all our parts without distraction. That is potent wisdom. I'll be thinking on that for quite a while. Thank you for this! ❤️
Thanks Jenna. I love looking at the unique gifts of human variation and your recent writing shows one of the gifts of highly sensitive people. I'll be interested to know if you find any surprise parts of yourself away from distraction :)
‘I am still making sense of my story around COVID, but I can say that the suffering I experienced has opened me to the possibility of letting go, the possibility of uncertainty, and the necessity of surrender. Suffering also allows us to see the suffering of others in a new way, not from a place of fixing, but from a place of presence. “ Yes hardship and difficulty are part of life but suffering may be optional. Is there really such a thing as a soul?
In a recent discussion I had with my cardiologist, he an East Indian and former Hindu, me reared with Christians and both non-believers in mythical gods, he said he only practices the religion of kindness. I liked that.
I look forward to reading Brooks' book—thank you for the recommendation, Amy, and for the keen and powerful reflections!
I feel like I have one or two very close friends that I know on a deep level, and vice versa. We can anticipate each other's needs. (One memorable example: My friend Chelsea and I were dining on a patio this weekend, and she asked for a blanket for me and knew I wanted to order the hummus before I did. And at an event that I knew might be a lot for her more introverted self, I made sure to carve out one-on-one time away from the crowd.)
Helping others feel seen and supported as their true selves is my favorite love language!
Hi Karla, I think you will enjoy it. I just got a used copy of it, so if you care to wait, I can mail it to you. Helping each other meet our needs is beautiful. Brooks described "knowing" someone as seeing the radiance or someone's soul in a way that's often to articulate.
So kind of you, Amy! That would be awesome if you don't mind sharing once you're done. Ooh, I love that kind of knowing. It reminds me a bit of what Brene and Esther discussed in a recent podcast! Just in case you're interested in tuning in: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/new-ai-artificial-intimacy/ Thanks again for this thoughtful and beautiful post!
Such rich reflection here. There is something so profound about being seen and known by others. And yet, we don't want to rely on that external blessing either. It is a delicate dance. A friend gifted me Brooks' book, but it's still in a pile on my nightstand, so I'll have to get to that one sooner rather than later.
Thanks Christine. I wonder which comes first, does our own self-regard open us up to being seen by others or does being understood by someone dear allow us to branch out further, more thoroughly exploring our interior, (sort of like the toddler at the playground that ventures farther and farther from parent with the safety of being able to check in)
Thanks for sharing your perspective, Jim. I believe there is a soul. I think Bill Plotkin's way of describing it is helpful. He describes it as our "unique ecological niche" in other words that light within in us that has a unique role to play in the world. That is in contrast to how he describes spirit, which is more like that universal life force within all beings.
I know there are some spiritual traditions that believe suffering is optional. Our perspective can certainly change the intensity of our suffering, but I think there are some life events like the loss of a loved one or intense illness where suffering is typically part of the experience even if you are very mindful.
Regarding religion, I think we all agree that more people approaching the world from a place of kindness is beneficial. I also think that many religious practices can be hypocritical and move us farther from acceptance and kindness. However, as I've gotten older I've been more able to hold the contradictions of the hypocrisy of Christians with this totally wild, radical, revolutionary message of what Jesus was actually teaching. For me, believing in a creator force beyond myself helps me let go of the idea that I need to control everything. My main spiritual belief is animism, that all beings stones, waters winds, plants, animals, really everything in the world holds divine spirit within it. I choose to use Christianity as one tool to engage with that because it is a tool my ancestors used, so I feel more connected to them. I heard Martin Shaw speak about how polytheist religions often accommodated monotheistic ones because it was easy to add one more God to the pantheon, but the reverse wasn't true. Anyway, that was probably a lot more than you bargained. I spent most of my life agnostic, believing simply in treating people and creation well, but stumbled my way back to something more organized over the past couple years and have found it helpful, personally, though I acknowledge it's not for everyone.
Thank you for responding. How we see the world appears to be tethered to our most fundamental belief systems. For you, something closer to Spinoza, for me closer to Hume. I wish you peace.
This is so beautiful, Amy! I'm honored to be included here. So many thoughts are swirling in my mind. I was especially touched by this line: "Ultimately, we need to face ourselves and our suffering enough to at least be able to sit with all of our parts without distraction, to stay in suffering without running, then we can listen without worrying how we look, accept ourselves and others as more than one thing." Sit with all our parts without distraction. That is potent wisdom. I'll be thinking on that for quite a while. Thank you for this! ❤️
Thanks Jenna. I love looking at the unique gifts of human variation and your recent writing shows one of the gifts of highly sensitive people. I'll be interested to know if you find any surprise parts of yourself away from distraction :)
Just my respectful response:
‘I am still making sense of my story around COVID, but I can say that the suffering I experienced has opened me to the possibility of letting go, the possibility of uncertainty, and the necessity of surrender. Suffering also allows us to see the suffering of others in a new way, not from a place of fixing, but from a place of presence. “ Yes hardship and difficulty are part of life but suffering may be optional. Is there really such a thing as a soul?
In a recent discussion I had with my cardiologist, he an East Indian and former Hindu, me reared with Christians and both non-believers in mythical gods, he said he only practices the religion of kindness. I liked that.